FLESH FEAST ZOMBIE HOUSEHOLD V 3.2

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If I go in that door and you hear me screaming or whimpering or something, chances are I'm on my way to being dead, so you should flee. If you hear nothing, I may already be dead, in which case you should definitely flee. If you hear me issuing war cries and hacking chopping buzzsaw bloody flesh meat, then I'm probably winning, in which case you should draw your sword and enter the fray.

If I go in and come out, I will say the word DERELICT. If I do not, then I may be one of the walking dead, in which case you should attempt to hack off my limbs and head. If this is unsuccessful, you should then flee.

Pay attention, you whining little fuckmonkey. I'm doing this for your benefit.

If I find a projectile weapon whilst inside, such as a shotgun or a crossbow, I will yell the word DECREPID. If you hear this word, you should arm yourself with rocks, and enter through the back door or bathroom window. If I find an area effective weapon, such as a grenade or a chunk of plastique, I will yell the word DESIDERATA. If you hear this word, you should vacate the area immediately, or you may become charred and die.

If you are afraid, then I am pleased. You are not a warrior, you are a blubbering child. Fear will make you fight like a warrior.

It is a large house, and it is full of zombie scum. If you do enter, you will become covered in the blood and flesh chunks of the undead. If this upsets you, you should attempt to vomit as much as you can, to rid yourself of the sickness. If you vomit very little, it may become necessary to swallow back your chuck. It will make you extremely ill, so you can then vomit with more exuberance. Think of hideous things.

Our aim is to kill as many of the walking deceased as possible without becoming one ourselves. Stop whimpering and listen.

If you are infected with the disease of necromancy, I will destroy you. If I become infected, I expect you to do the same. Do not hesitate, or you will be dead.

Right. I'm going in. Remember our keywords, and don't fuck anything up.

>> YOU ARE STANDING OUTSIDE A HOUSE. IT IS VERY LARGE, AND YOU CAN HEAR GROANS AND GROWLING COMING FROM INSIDE. YOUR FATHER HAS JUST ENTERED THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. WHAT DO YOU DO?

wait

>> YOU WAIT FOR A FEW MINUTES, AND THEN HEAR THE WORD 'DECREPID' BEING YELLED BY YOUR FATHER FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

get rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

collect rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> YOUR FATHER IS SCREAMING THE WORD 'DECREPID' WITH MUCH URGENCY. WHAT DO YOU DO?

pick up rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

gather rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

look for rocks

>> THERE ARE ROCKS EVERYWHERE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

acquire rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

pick up the fucking rocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> YOUR FATHER IS YELLING 'DECREPID! DECREPID, YOU FUCKING MORON!' FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

getrocksgetrocksgetrocks

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> YOUR FATHER EXITS THE HOUSE VIA THE FRONT DOOR. HE IS COVERED IN BLOOD AND STANDS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU. HE LOOKS DIFFERENT, LIKE HE IS SICK. WHAT DO YOU DO?

does he say anything

>> HE SAYS NOTHING. HE JUST STANDS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

draw sword

>> YOU DRAW A LONG BLADED KNIFE FROM THE FRONT OF YOUR PANTS. YOUR FATHER GROANS OUT THE WORDS 'BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS'. WHAT DO YOU DO?

chop dads head off

>> YOU SWING YOUR KNIFE BUT MISS. YOUR FATHER REACHES OUT TO GRAB YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO?

flee

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> HE MISSES, BUT TRIES AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU DO?

run away

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> YOUR FATHER GRABS YOU BY THE SHOULDERS. HE LEANS IN TO BITE YOUR FACE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

runawayfleefleeescape

>> SYNTAX ERROR

>> YOUR FATHER BITES OFF YOUR CHEEK AND CHEWS. YOU HAVE BEEN BITTEN, AND WILL TURN INTO A HIDEOUS ZOMBIE. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!

>> WILL YOU PLAY AGAIN?

no

>>SYNTAX ERROR ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------